random brain dribbles of a nurse, novelist, and ninja enthusiast

My kindle grew a penis, because Scott Snyder bit Michael Bay’s face off

Those of you following the continued sexually confused adventures of my kindle through a previous post entitled My Kindle Has A Vagina in which I reviewed the novels Is Everyone Hanging Out With Me and Let’s Pretend This Never Happened are familiar with my gender confused kindle. Today, I’m happy to report my kindle has a penis and it’s all thanks to Scott Snyder.

Scott Snyder is the demigod of comics responsible for re-imaginings of many of your favorite DC comics franchises including Batman, Superman, and his most notable work, American Vampire. American Vampire is an epic gore fest spanning over a hundred years from the wild west to the nineteen fifties in which non pretentious badass American vampires kill off rich, pretentious European vampires. It reminded me of the Twilight novels minus romance and angst riddled teens who reek of undeath and Axe body spray. Okay, it’s nothing like the Twilight movies. One series involves vampires who glitter and the other vampires who glower and then immediately rip your face apart.

If you like seeing blood fly across the pages of the books you’re reading then be prepared for a treat. These books are littered with violence and a growing sense of suspense and mystery that isn’t lost throughout the series. The first two books include artwork by Rafael Albuquerque and segments by Scott Snyder and Stephen King. King pens the origin story of lead protagonist and serial killing guy next door Skinner Sweet. Sweet’s unique charm and unpredictable behavior will keep you reading, but wanes as you reach the fourth volume of the series.

Volume four seems to move away from the suspense built in the first two volumes. We are still invested in the characters, but Pearl and Henry have dropped off entirely and I just couldn’t find myself engaging with Travis Kidd or any of the other new characters. When Travis Kidd is surrounded by enemies we have pretty much figured out what happens next: someone gets stabbed in the face. It was formulaic violence without the emotional attachment and suspense cleverly crafted in the first two volumes.

The characters in the first two volumes are full of conflicting forces. Take for example Skinner Sweet, at first glance he seems like a loathsome killer and his character falls flat, but there are glimmers at another side of the man as the story progresses. Not everyone who encounters Skinner Sweet dies instantly and there is always an allusion to some sinister plan lurking underneath his callous exterior.

This quiet intelligence keeps the reader guessing and senseless acts of violence become more purposeful than primal as each story progresses to its ultimate and satisfying conclusions. These books are powerhouses of blood drenched action. Even Michael Bay would weep. Anyone who enjoys graphic novels and horror will enjoy American Vampire. They will not enjoy Scott Snyder’s Twitter feed.

His Twitter feed is an endless stream of spammy tripe. I didn’t think this would be the case. The man is an excellent writer with a masters in fine arts. I love his work and it involves words, so why wouldn’t I also love his Twitter involving words. I raced to his profile and scrolled down his feed expecting to be exposed to some witty aphorism or Scottitude instantly blowing my mind clean off my face. Instead, I found this.


My feed was inundated. I counted and there were over twenty different entries. You would have to tweet once every hour. Who the hell has time for that! If you think each and every one of these tweets is profound then please look again at the picture of above. I can only imagine what his Facebook feed is like.

Facebook update: Buying oranges at grocery store

Second post five seconds later: Grabbed grapes near the counter.

Third post: Scott Snyder loves fruit!

Still, who am I to complain about Scott Snyder. He has over thirty thousand followers while I am pretty much the twittery equivalent of complete and total crap.

Press to follow!

Press to follow!

8 Responses to “My kindle grew a penis, because Scott Snyder bit Michael Bay’s face off”

  1. theloneshewolf

    I don’t know why but I have been itching to use the word VAGINA not just in my blog but as a title to a post too. Being totally insecure and then seeing how awesome vagina’s can be on a blog.

    Side note: Pure awesome is here. Not turds.

    Love it.

    *click* followed

    • josefkul

      Thank you! There really aren’t enough vaginas mentioned in blogs and I hope you can assist me in enhancing awareness of this unfortunate problem. Someday I will have to post something entitled simply, My Vaginas Vagina Has A Vagina That Was Kind Of A Pussy. It would be a deep and insightful post about a vagina within a vagina like the movie Inception, but with vaginas. By the way in case you weren’t counting I just used the word vagina eight times!

      • theloneshewolf

        I’d say “I love all eight of your vagina’s” but that would be creepy and weird.

        So I love you and ALL your vagina’s.


        AMIRIGHT??!!! bwahahahhhahahaaaa

      • josefkul

        Thank you! There is nothing weird about loving vaginas, but then I am male. Still, with a wife and daughter I am practically drowning in estrogen and feel entitled to at least an honorary one.

      • theloneshewolf

        Well you have 8 now!

        In my life we have a manly majority so I find myself referencing my “ladyballs”

        which sounds like a royal designation.

        “Here comes Her LadyBalls, TheLoneSheWolf”

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