Deep within the South American jungles lies a senseless predatory killing machine and he’s adorable! I was only about seven or eight years old when I first laid eyes on an ocelot so my memory could be a little hazy, but the above picture I just made encapsulates everything my feeble eight year old brain was capable of recollecting. To this day the creature looks like something ripped straight from a Japanese anime or Hello kitty store, but apparently the outside Hello Kitty demeanor masks a fierce inner core.
“He’ll rip your face off,” my friends say.
These friends continued in a conversation crushing every dream I ever had of obtaining one of these majestic creatures into a fine powdery dust.
“Those things are assholes,” another friend says, exposing a visibly scarred forearm.
“Yeah, those things are jerks,” his zoo pal agrees.
Normally I would concede to these professional zoologists, intimately entangled with these animals, but I had seen an ocelot get along fine with us humans. The ocelot in question was Babou and his owner was none other than famed artist and mustache aficionado Salvador Dali.
Note: the image is from the Library of Congress with unknown original author and is accessed here
Upon discovering this photo I had to assume ocelots were the friendly feral jungle cats I had always envisioned safely playing in the backyard with our daughter Adeline. It’s also possible this picture was taken only seconds before Dali had his face mercilessly torn apart by the thing. Since I know Dali survived well into his eighties with facial features fully intact, I can only assume these are excellent pets to have around the house next to fragile newborn babies.
Now, with my family’s safety secured it was time to prepare for our future pet, but before I could make preparations I needed to ensure preservation. According to the US Fish and Wildlife Service these animals are still endangered and as long as they are endangered, my future ocelot cattery is as well. America, and in particular Washington state, I implore you, save this animal so I can selfishly and legally keep them in my house as family pets. In case my post wasn’t convincing enough, here’s that last picture one more time.